Multi-level marketing is a great way to make money for those who don't want to make any money. So for those of you smart enough to get in on a ground floor opportunity that's been around since the serpent conned Eve into signing on the dotted line, here are some pointers.

First, be your own best customer. This will make your up line extremely proud (and a bit richer). Dumping all your cleaning supplies, laundry detergent and cosmetics in the trash and replacing them with overpriced concentrate is a sure sign of financial genius What's more, it's important to believe in your product.

Second, make a list of everyone you want to annoy. This includes friends, family, coworkers and everyone in the white pages from the three closest cities. You'll earn a tiny commission off each one you enroll and that, my friend, is worth risking a lifetime of friendships. (Who knows? One of ‘em may be the next big fish for the company. And you'll be the one who caught ‘im!)

Third, systematically annoy everyone on your list. Invite them out to dinner. They won't mind being deceived into dining with a room full of brainwashed goofballs while some slickster shoots his power point presentation on a screen in the front of the room. The numbers don't lie. If you enroll eight people this week and they enroll eight people next week who enroll eight people the following week, in eleven short weeks all 6.4 billion inhabitants of the earth will be in your down line including an extra 2 billion from some unknown galaxy.

Fourth, act giddy. Phony enthusiasm is a proven sales gimmick, especially when coupled with idiotic product testimonials. Say something stupid like, "I cut my arm off a year ago and took some of these here vitamins. And whaddaya know?! My arm grew back. Hairs and all." Everyone in the room will cheer.

Fifth, emphasize the success potential by pointing out the vast number of gullible people who are dumb enough to think they are all destined to be pyramid millionaires. This strategy really works. After all, it worked on you!

Sixth, appeal to greed and rank laziness. "Be your own boss," is a nice phrase. Ask your friends if they would like to quit their jobs and work part time for a six-figure income. (Don't tell them that four of the six digits are to the right of the decimal.)

Seventh, use powerful terminology to impress your prospects. Never use words like "multi-level marketing" because someone may get the idea that your multi-level marketing scheme is a multi-level marketing scheme. "Direct to the consumer" sounds a lot better.

Eighth, project the image of success by buying the most expensive car on the market. Getting in debt up to your glassy eyeballs is a tried-and-proven financial strategy. It will pay off. Someday. Remember, if you want to be rich, you gotta start acting the part. Think of the wealthiest people you know (except maybe Howard Hughes) and start living like them. There's nothing like gross irresponsibility to get you on the right track.

Ninth, tell your prospects about the unseen benefits of owning their own business. Just think of all the stuff they can deduct from their income taxes, like one eighth of their bedroom if they use the corner for a home-office. Yes sir, you can pave your road to riches by wasting long hours for a tiny tax deduction.

Tenth, stay motivated by wasting; excuse me, "investing" an obscene amount of money in motivational tapes and CDs. Someday, when you hit the big time, you too can screw your down line out off thousands of dollars.

Next week. How to retire early buying lottery tickets.

About the Author: Kenn Gividen